Whiners never win

I know, I've done a lot of complaining since I got back from Maine about how Kansas sucks and how I want to get out of here. And it's taken me a while to get to this point in this process and I'm still working on it, BUT! I've decided that being here for the next couple of years will not kill me AND I need to be all here and living with all of me here. Does that make sense? God has things planned for me while I'm here and I need to quit whining or I just might miss the things He wants to teach me. I'm such a brat!

Today I feel like the color blue

I had an egg sandwich with blueberry jam for breakfast this morning... er, afternoon, I mean. And then I also had some crisp round blueberries all by themselves on a plate. I think blueberries are the most magical fruit!

Wouldn't that be weird if you just didn't know what the word blue meant? How could you explain it to someone?

Other words with "blue" in them:

1. bluejay or bluebird
2. blue moon
3. blue ribbon
4. the blues
5. bluefish
6. blue streak
7. code blue

It actually is a strange-looking word the more you look at it! Like you can look at it over and over, and suddenly it seems like a different language. And then you must look at it all over again with fresh eyes.

Sleepless in Topeka

It's now nearing 4 a.m. and I officially cannot sleep. I've been trying for the last three hours. This reminds me of that time in the hostel in New York... minus the bed bugs. ;)

P.S. I would like to change my header to something catchy and creative, but still uniquely me. Any ideas?

My life as a townie

Blogging twice in one day?! What?! Oh, yes. My human condition is improving... or something like that.

A townie: "someone who has not left the town in which they were born and raised."
-Reliable Wikipedia source

I also looked up "townie" on dictionary.com and got a little different answer: "A permanent resident of a town, especially a resident of a college town who is academically unaffiliated with the local college or university."

I think I agree more with the Wikipedia definition, but probably just so that I can call myself a townie. Because when I think of being a townie, I think of a college student with no job, no source of income, living at their parents' house-- particularly living in the basement. And really, is there anything more pathetic than that state of existence? Probably not. And I'm hoping that years later I will look back on this time in my life and laugh or I'd probably just get depressed.

But like for reals, after Washburn I have got to get out of this town. I've been here way too long. Now, to my faithful and few readers, I absolutely love you all, but you know, there comes a time when you just have to leave a place. But more on that in another post...

Continuing with the townie theme, allow me to tell you about my day today:

1. Wake up at 10:15, kicking myself because I wanted to get up two hours earlier than the time stated. But I guess that happens when you finally fall asleep around 3:30, after tossing and turning. *Extra note: Since moving back home, I also have gotten the worst sleep. It's not unusual now for me to wake up several times during the night.*
2. Stumble upstairs to make myself a little breakfast: piece of toast with homemade strawberry jame from Jayne and Betty, bowl of Crunchy Raisin Bran cereal, some grapes, and a delicious hot cup of coffee.
3. Put dishes in dishwasher. I am SO helpful!
4. Spend some time on the phone with the financial aid office. Find out that because of my loss of scholarship sophomore year, I was a tenth of a point short of receiving the Academic Scholarship for this school year after working my butt off getting my grades up last year. Make an appointment to sign work study contract for next week.
5. Watch a couple of shows online on my laptop.
6. Decide that I need to go swimming. Drive to Shawnee North to find out that they are closed. Drive to Blaisdell to find out they are closed as well.
7. And now here I sit. What a busy day, huh? ;)

Now, I write all of this in a slightly satirical form, mostly to make fun of myself. Yes, I am a little disappointed about the scholarship thing, but I'll get over it. There's always next year. Oh yeah, I'm thinking that I'll be spending next fall abroad in Italy. I'm going to start looking into that more seriously.

I've Become CoffeeTricia

About every morning now since living at home, I've been making coffee. I enjoy making it now, because last semester I quit making it at home since I could just get it for free at Sunyoung's house. I measure out the little coffee beans, place them in the grinder and let it do its thing. The sound of coffee beans grinding in the morning totally reminds me of living at the Pink House because I always knew Tricia was up when I was lying in bed and heard that sound right above me every morning before I started nannying. I could sing of coffee's virtues forever. It wakes me up, it's tasty and not to mention the other benefits of a hastened digestive system. Yeah!

Definitely home from vacation

And here's my rant:

I'm freaking out. There are so many different pressures on me right now and I'm going crazy! I have no money whatsoever and I've grown to really despise money. I hate that it makes me rely so much on my parents right now-- living at home and whatnot-- when I just want to be independent.

I wonder: Can you answer this? Can a guy and a girl just be friends? Can they hang out and talk about common interests and just remain friends? I used to think they could, but I'm not so sure these days. It seems like everyone is getting engaged or getting married these days, and it used to have the sort of effect on me like I wanted to be in the same position. But now, I think it does the opposite effect. While I realize that if it's the RIGHT person and the right time, then yes, I'm sure it's wonderful. But for me, right now, I have so much to work on-- just issues with myself and I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be. Plus, I just can't even handle the idea of a relationship right now. It freaks me out having that much responsibility. I think I'd like to get away from Kansas after I graduate.

Anyway, back to my original question: I'm not sure about just being friends. It seems like whenever I try to be friends with guys, two things happen: Either I end up falling for him or he ends up falling for me, for whatever reason. I'm dealing with that in a couple different friendships right now and it sucks. How do you tell this person that although you enjoy their friendship and love talking with them that you don't think of them in a romantic way? I know what it's like to be rejected, and I hate the idea of causing that person that same kind of pain.

What's a girl to do?

I have a job!!!

So, it's finally finally official official OFFICIAL! I will be working in the art musuem this year and I am pumped! Even though I will probably just be sitting behind a desk most of the time, I will also be getting to help out with special events!

I met with the director today and she told me about some elements of the job. I will get to be there for First Friday exhibits and get to attend artist presentations at the gallery when there is a new artist featured there. I think this job will be perfect to see if this is really what I want to do in the future.

It's crazy that after not knowing what I wanted to do for so long, I just took and Art History class a year ago, fell in love with the study of art, and I just knew I wanted to do this. So many people ask me when I first decided that this is what I want to do. I think that my professsor, Dave Hartley, really put the passion of studying art into me.

I think art is fascinating. It's one of the few things that have remained constant throughout the years of history. Once you start researching a certain work of art, you do not just merely know about the piece itself, but suddenly you can catch a glimpse of the culture, the people, and what was going on in the world.