Lately, I have been looking over my shoulder a lot, trying to recreate moments from the past. I mourn the fact that so many things have changed in the last few years without my wanting them to. I realize that it's very silly to cling to old memories and not create new ones-- I just can't help but say, "Remember that one time...?"
I've been very caught up in feelings of nostalgia, wishing some things had turned out differently than they have-- Why am I so needy when it comes to friendships? Why must every friend be so dear to me? Why must the loss of a friend hurt so badly? I had many many close friends move away from me to their new lives in other states over the years and I think that those experiences have turned my heart into a huge pile of mush. I would think the opposite might happen-- that my heart should harden and I would have trouble lettting people in. But the truth is, and here is my honest confession, that once I make a friend I don't treat them flippantly-- they are my treasure.
I guess I'm having trouble accepting the hard truth that some friends have moved on and people change and people come into your life for a reason at a significant time. Yes, I must accept this-- and I cannot keep looking back and wishing. And yes, I just focused on friends here, but it's not just that-- it's just a general feel of the way things used to be.
And life right now isn't horrible by any means-- it's quite wonderful and I am blessed, indeed. My fear is that if I keep looking back, then I am going to miss out on what's ahead and I don't want to make those mistakes. I want to live my life fully for Jesus-- I want what He wants and that's all. I want to live Jim Elliot's motto and wherever I am, "to be all there."
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Lot's Wife
Posted by lanes at 12:58 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
As they sing in RENT, "No day but today"
Haha. Just kidding. I did NOT just quote that as consolation...
No, I really know what you mean. It's not a bad thing to love people the way you do. Quite the opposite. It just hurts more when those people drift off. There's a balance between being loyal and chasing ghosts that I still need to figure out.
I've thought about this too at times...It is so hard to think to the future instead of dwelling in the past! Obviously you've had some pretty amazing friends :) Lately I've been thinking back to my wedding day and wishing I could get married again instead of looking ahead to good times.
Hey are you going to be at the teacher art show at the mulvane this weekend? Jere and I are thinking about going.
Tricia-- Chasing ghosts... yes. I know exactly what you mean and I have trouble with that balance, too.
Reagan-- yes, I will be at that art show-- I'll be working. :) They're being very secretive about that exhibit and I haven't had a chance to look at anything they're working on.
Awesome that you'll be there! I'm pretty sure we're coming so hopefully we'll see you there :)
nostalgia never leaves.
but if you find nostalgic friends, you know that you will never lose them as a friend. that is why mel is so wonderful to me.
Hahaha! I think we'll be together forever in that case, which is more than fine with me =)
Those kind of friendships are so special and I think anyone is beyond BLESSED to have that kind of person in their life! Oh Tricia, you're mine forever! hehehe
thanks for sharing. ;) Good to know im not the only one who lives alot of her days like that. There are definitely diff. seasons in life...definltey. Right now, for about 85% of my thoughts are on the present. That's the most it's prob. ever been. I am so busy with work, and social things with church, I don't have much time to sit and think about the past. Which is kinda nice considering all things. Last fall, prety opposite. i was in the present about 15% of the time. It was not glorifying to God because I was not giving of myself to people He had placed in front of me at the time. Im glad we have the opp. to learn though. Again, im glad you shared that.
Post a Comment